Like me, he found that ours was not a world in need of protection from the threat of excessive terrorism. On the contrary, we were terrified of overprotection. I've been talking to him on the phone for over six months now(1).
"The future is hybrid warfare," he told me (2)
I should probably devote my attention to it completely. At the end of the summer I scrolled and constantly updated my emails for notifications from paypal (3).
For what else was our fulfillment but to become another object among objects. To allow our superiors to meet the challenge of choice. No, we did not suffer a prostitution (4)
He asked me what motivates me. I told him I was not sure for the time.
I was not sure about the time
I allowed myself to enjoy the opportunity and I really felt like I had nothing to lose (5)
(24 janv. a 23.20, 18:49, 24/01/2020)
...
misunderstanding,
I sink
I enjoy
in his speech
in his word
his little thing
His side whiskers
his lips
his eyes
his blue lights
his nose,
dry skin on the side of his nose
His hands,
the thumb,
his shoes
his jacket
his walk,

[pause]

his voice
My voice,
my shoes
my jacket,
dry skin on my nose,
my eyes
my side whiskers
His neck
his haircut
my haircut
The back of his neck
my neck
His hands from the short sleeve down,
his short sleeve
his neck
his lips
his eyes
his blue lights
his thumb (on the steering wheel),
his thumb on the steering wheel
(his phone)

[breathe]

The steering wheel,
his steering wheel,
his car,
my car
his language
his tongue in his mouth
That does not let him speak
He puts his hands in his pockets
His hands in his pockets
In my pockets
His time,
his time
his time
his time,
his time
Until he goes to sleep tonight, his time
Tomorrow all day
Everything he does in his own time
on his fingers, his time his days
His days
His days
His nose
His lips
His nose
His nose
His nose is one thing
His neck
His nose
His voice

[End of recording]


That night I realized that we are, each of us at any cost, that boy who will not accept his consignment to the absurd, inevitable eruption of a disaster, in the wings of an absolute liquidation (6).
He told me “the money will always be guaranteed. Just tell me what you need when you need it”. We talked of enemies then and stakes. I told him I thought when I finished it would be the moment I would regret it the most. He was not impressed. In the mountain air we took a walk, talked about age-old palm trees and beyond good and evil. Think of the world as doomed to this, or of us as doomed to this world - not the world as we imagine it will be, but the world as it is (8).
I could not follow him in that moment. I was upset. Not long after I packed my things and left.
I hated his indifference to the tempo of my own drama.
It was then that we felt that this freedom was very fragile.
Is it impossible to speak on behalf of anyone else right? We live in a society where something as simple as love is controversial. What kind of a lover are you?
A confused lover
A distant lover
A dirty lover
A tough lover
After the first meeting my first impulse was to escape, to resist, I knew that my innocence was almost artificial but with it came a confidence that I could finally indulge in sensuality.
When we use every member of our bodies and every secretion of our bodies and every degree of pressure that these bodies can exert

"You are simulating disaster," he told me
At 24 I would be named one of the most dangerous men in the world (9). I sat half-naked in my office chair into the early hours of the morning. Matte black, with an amazing perforated lid, my dad's old desk lamp was the only light on in the apartment as I worked (10).

#internetboyfriend
for C.W.

(a small poem on love, violence and affirmation to be read for a small audience)

Endnotes
1 Wilson, Cody. 2016. Come and Take It: the gun printer’s guide to thinking free. New York: Gallery Books. pp. 4
2 ibid. pp.5
3 ibid. pp. 12
4 ibid. pp. 13
5 ibid. pp. 122
6 ibid. pp. 146
7 ibid. pp. 217
8 ibid. pp. 217
9 ibid. pp. 124
10 ibid. pp. 72